Dom and Dan In Da Woods

Dan and Dom in Da Woods, live from a nice wood in Cumbria.
Splat! Dom gets a cream pie in the face. [Audience laughter.]
Splat! Dan pours vomit from his own mouth all over his head and smacks his client in the face with a giant clipboard. [Audience roar with laughter.]
Someone strangles a badger off-screen, and quickly knits it into a tea cosy for keeping tea warm when cooking outdoors o'er a jolly wood fire all fettled with a fancy axe and some really cool knives. Dom is splattered with badger innards. [Audience roars approval.]
Cut to bemused, failed sports reporter and beeb-skirt.[Much laughter and mirth amongst the audience at the feckless pointless muppet in the beige sports pullover.]
Splat! Dom gunges all practical forestry in the gunge tank by gunging it all with gunge. [Huge round of applause from the forestry sector, laughing as a man.]
And now, remember we told you about Marion, the whale-eating magpie? Over to you, Mylene.